Prevent (your own) Murder: Lessons don’t have to be learned the hard way

Hello, Voyagers!

I literally wrote my Cambridge dissertation on prediction and prevention of homicide. This includes your own homicide. If you want to read my dissertation (why?) you gotta slog through all the proving that intuition exists based on scientific evidence. This post skips all that and offers practical advice on staying safe. Because, yes, you CAN take steps to prevent your own murder. And it all starts with a book. That’s right, here I am again, pushing Gift of Fear on you. If you haven’t read it yet, stop reading this and go read it right now. I’ll wait.

Welcome back.

Let’s talk about some specific, realistic, and common scenarios, with some rules and answers to questions you might have about staying safe and preventing violence. As far as never/always, there are only a few:

1. ALWAYS listen to your intuition and reject anyone who tries to talk you out of yours, even if it angers them (ESPECIALLY if it angers them. Someone who wishes you ill is the only kind of person who will get angry at a rejection).

2. Rudeness will NEVER turn a good guy into a bad guy.

3. NEVER go to the second location if you feel uncomfortable with someone, especially if they are attempting to force you to do so against your will. A second location could mean getting inside a car, if the interaction starts in a parking lot, going behind a closed door if it starts on the porch, or down an alleyway if it starts on the street.

4. When it comes to your personal safety, you NEVER owe anyone anything, not your attention, your phone number, your time, your politeness, or an explanation of why you feel the way you do.

5. If someone wants your time or attention and you don’t want to give it, it is ALWAYS best to end the interaction immediately and as quickly and with as few words as possible. The more you explain, not only are you interacting with someone you don’t want to interact with, but you are offering more opportunities for the other person to stay in your life and enhance their investment in you.

tread lightly. and buy your own drinks.

A few more hints:

• A nice guy isn’t always a good guy. Anyone can pretend to be nice.

• Don’t always believe everything you hear. It’s only natural to believe what someone says, about what they do for a living or where they’re from, or that they are single. However, maintain a healthy skepticism when it comes to high-stakes interactions with strangers. Always be prepared to ask yourself, what do they have to gain by lying? It could be your attention, your phone number, or it could be something more sinister.

• If someone has intentions to harm you, they have a plan, and your job as their target is to disrupt that plan. Do not just go along with what they want. Do your best to send the interaction down a different path from what he wants.

Finally, this: Do not think that you are immune from danger just because you a) are with someone else, b) are carrying a weapon, c) know the neighborhood, d) are on your phone, e) have told someone else where you are going or - especially this - e) have your phone’s location services on. Some of these things may help police to find your body after you’re dead, though. So, there’s that.

I recently did a Facebook Live on my Now Fear This! podcast’s FB page, where I addressed some of these hints and rules. Despite the technology failing at first, eventually I got to some good info, so stick with the video! I also have several previous blogs on personal safety, like this one about avoiding creepy guys. Please read and pass along to anyone you think might need the information.

It might just save your life. Or theirs.

-VV

PS. This stuff might also seem very “It’s up to you and only you to stop your own abuse, ladies!” but it is NOT. In fact, these are simply ways women can be aware of signs of future abuse. Guys gotta learn how to not be abusers. Which is why I have written this and this. Check them out and send them to anyone you think might need to read them.