The Love Bomb: One of the red flags of abuse
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Hello, Voyagers!
This post is about one of the best/worst behaviors of a manipulator, the Love Bomb. Traditionally a strategy of cults, it is also a technique that future abusers use to get their prey (you) hooked, and hooked fast.
What does it do?
A Love Bomb is like a big, warm, lovely blanket that is thrown over a target that feels so good it renders them either temporarily or permanently unable to climb out from underneath it. That blanket contains several or all of the following signs, verrrrry early on in the relationship:
-Intense adoration, both verbal & practical.
-Flattery bordering on worship.
-Declaration of devotion & love that are way out of proportion to how well you truly know one another.
-Deep focus on you and your activities, thoughts, feelings, and other relationships.
-Becoming the center of their world and expectations that they’re the center of yours.
-Idealized descriptions of how amazing perfect your life will be together.
-Language that includes words like, “forever” “always,” “soul mate” and “no matter what.”
-Attention that gives you a high level of validation and affirmation.
-Expensive or unique gifts that usually reflect something you truly desire.
-Over-the-top romantic gestures that come out of nowhere (they’re not out of nowhere).
-Charm. So. Much. Charm.
is it valentine’s day or is it a love bomb? It’s got to be one or the other.
Why does it work? According to licensed therapist Sasha Jackson, in a recent issue of Cosmo. “And as the recipient, love bombing feels really good because of the boost of dopamine and endorphins you receive. You feel special, needed, loved, valuable, and worthy, which are all the components that contribute and increase a person's self-esteem.” In other words, Love Bombs are very shiny, and humans are susceptible to being distracted by the shiny thing, ignoring the real thing that’s going on.
Sounds great, right? Why, then, is it a sign of a manipulator and even an abuser?! The person doing the bombing is presenting you an idealized and false facade of who they really are. And when a Love Bomb takes over your life, it creates a reality that is dreamy and lovely, so much so that it can be very difficult to overcome those feelings when the relationships turns ugly and verbally abusive, or even physically abusive. Often the aftermath of an abusive event is when the abuser will re-up on the bombing and bring in the big guns: roses, jewelry, expensive dinners, and language like “I’m not worthy of you.” “I don’t deserve you.” “You’re too good for me.” Heads up: when a guy says that, your only response is, “Yep, you’re right.” Then you march straight out the door.
Better to get out now, at the beginning, than when you’re miles down the road, he’s on one knee, and you’ve only known him for a month.
Get some really good info on Psychology Today’s site here & hear me talk about it in my lecture, below.
Stay safe out there, Voyagers. And stay Veracious.
-VV
